...that is what I now am!!!
I was so nervous 2 nights ago, studying last minute (as always) for my test the following morning. So much of what was on my practice tests came from working in a hospital or compounding pharmacy & as I went to bed, I felt so hopeless.
I woke up bright & early, made it there on time, & finished 90 questions in less than half an hour. It may seem dumb but I'm always oober excited when I finish tests quicker than everyone else.
At the end of the test, the word "PASS" appeared. I couldn't believe it. Everyone told me I could do it but I had so little faith in myself.
When I got to work later that day, they had ordered pizza in my "honor" I guess you could say. I am so relieved to have that test behind me & to now be a CPhT. I am also glad to have done something to make my parents & big sister proud of me. I have never been the greatest at college but this is something I achieved on my own :)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
vacation - all I ever wanted
Being a newlywed while in college & working full time makes planning vacations/family time a lot more difficult. I try to plan everything in advance to reduce problems so here are my plans so far:
When we first got married, we thought "we'll never see a vacation or our family. We'll be too tied down to do anything else." However, I'm extremely dedicated to any form of vacation & am very proud of myself for planning this all out. YAY me!
In this week's news...
I may have called a man a "d bag" on the phone & may have not hung it up all the way before doing so. However, when he called back & said "I'm the d bag & I'd like to speak to your pharmacist," he told my pharmacist he realized afterwards that he was being rude & having a bad attitude because he was in a hurry. He showed up with a much better attitude, I learned to hang the phone up completely before releasing my ugly anger, & no one got in trouble. Working in a pharmacy is a lot harder than people understand & people are a lot more hateful than I ever thought.
I also have to work all day every day this week & am praying for my time at CVS in Cleveland to be short & sweet. I have a great job, but I can't take hours on end on my feet. I want to be out doing what I'm called to do & I'm too exhausted from my job to squeeze anything else in, including sleep :(
Lastly, I would like to be able to relax this weekend & just enjoy time with my Husband. I see him every night when I get off work if I don't pass out upon coming through the door, but I want time awake with him!
I'm done whining now. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about things despite hating working 24/7, school, & being away from the people I love the most. I'm just so sore! Hope everyone is having a great week & that mine gets better as it progresses :)
- We go to Nashville every free weekend we get to see my family & friends because we don't really have much of that in Cleveland. I also hope to celebrate my sister, mine, & my best friend's birthday there :)
- We are planning almost an entire 2 weeks in Florida to visit family, relax, get away, swim, & welcome our new niece into the world.
- Last Thanksgiving was with the Joplins, so this Thanksgiving is with the Taylors.
- Our first Christmas together will be with the Joplins, then we will go to Florida to have a week with Joshua's family as well.
- While in Florida for New Year's, we want to go spend our 1 year anniversary on the beach alone together ♥
When we first got married, we thought "we'll never see a vacation or our family. We'll be too tied down to do anything else." However, I'm extremely dedicated to any form of vacation & am very proud of myself for planning this all out. YAY me!
In this week's news...
I may have called a man a "d bag" on the phone & may have not hung it up all the way before doing so. However, when he called back & said "I'm the d bag & I'd like to speak to your pharmacist," he told my pharmacist he realized afterwards that he was being rude & having a bad attitude because he was in a hurry. He showed up with a much better attitude, I learned to hang the phone up completely before releasing my ugly anger, & no one got in trouble. Working in a pharmacy is a lot harder than people understand & people are a lot more hateful than I ever thought.
I also have to work all day every day this week & am praying for my time at CVS in Cleveland to be short & sweet. I have a great job, but I can't take hours on end on my feet. I want to be out doing what I'm called to do & I'm too exhausted from my job to squeeze anything else in, including sleep :(
Lastly, I would like to be able to relax this weekend & just enjoy time with my Husband. I see him every night when I get off work if I don't pass out upon coming through the door, but I want time awake with him!
I'm done whining now. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about things despite hating working 24/7, school, & being away from the people I love the most. I'm just so sore! Hope everyone is having a great week & that mine gets better as it progresses :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
dear "president" obama
I appreciate that you won't recognize or take part in our country's National Day of Prayer (in a time when our country needs it MORE than ever) but that you say that you are praying privately on this day.
It's so sweet of you to straddle the road on every major issue our country faces. A country built on Christian values & in God we trust, but you can't pray with your nation. Then, when chastised, you say you did pray but by yourself. You may say you aren't personally for gay marriage, but you aren't man enough to stand up against it & for your own supposed values because that would be stirring the waters. You won't say straight forward that you love God & are a firm believer but you won't say that you don't believe either because then less people will follow your foolish & empty promises. For the Muslim people you like to be called by Hussein but here you are known for your black heritage. Your life, your values, your beliefs, your battles all depend on who you're around at the present moment. Why did we allow the simple minded to band together & listen to one word, "change," and allow them to bring such a man into power? A man that won't even pray for his country & had men arrested outside of the White House on NDOP for their praying. "But whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father in heaven." - Matthew 10:33
You can't lead this country, especially for the fact that you honestly believe you're in charge now. God has always & will always be in charge & there is no way around that. My hope is for the Christian majority of this country to band together & pray for you, your family, & the men that sit with you. That your minds be exposed to the great lengths the Lord has gone to to provide everything for everyone(including those unborn babies that you are allowing to be "terminated" because you are pro-choice...life is not a choice unless your next big move is to legalize murder of any kind). That you see that He is willing to forgive you for all you have done & for the legalizing of sins in this Christian nation. That you realize that this nation needs God, not you.
Our prays are with you, obama.
It's so sweet of you to straddle the road on every major issue our country faces. A country built on Christian values & in God we trust, but you can't pray with your nation. Then, when chastised, you say you did pray but by yourself. You may say you aren't personally for gay marriage, but you aren't man enough to stand up against it & for your own supposed values because that would be stirring the waters. You won't say straight forward that you love God & are a firm believer but you won't say that you don't believe either because then less people will follow your foolish & empty promises. For the Muslim people you like to be called by Hussein but here you are known for your black heritage. Your life, your values, your beliefs, your battles all depend on who you're around at the present moment. Why did we allow the simple minded to band together & listen to one word, "change," and allow them to bring such a man into power? A man that won't even pray for his country & had men arrested outside of the White House on NDOP for their praying. "But whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father in heaven." - Matthew 10:33
You can't lead this country, especially for the fact that you honestly believe you're in charge now. God has always & will always be in charge & there is no way around that. My hope is for the Christian majority of this country to band together & pray for you, your family, & the men that sit with you. That your minds be exposed to the great lengths the Lord has gone to to provide everything for everyone(including those unborn babies that you are allowing to be "terminated" because you are pro-choice...life is not a choice unless your next big move is to legalize murder of any kind). That you see that He is willing to forgive you for all you have done & for the legalizing of sins in this Christian nation. That you realize that this nation needs God, not you.
Our prays are with you, obama.
Monday, April 27, 2009
she works hard for the money
Why is it in life that some people spend every day of their life until they keel over working & doing things for everybody else while others breeze by, living off of those people's hard work? Today's society is in desperate need of work ethics, because at this point, there is a huge percentage with absolutely NONE!
We think if it's possible to get by on other people's deeds, then that is definitely what we should do. If someone else can provide everything until the day they die, why waste the time to do something for yourself? Why be held back by actually having to do something like work or by educating yourself when your parents, your spouse, or even your siblings can carry you on their back & keep your feet clean?
Before welfare & family members that made huge profits, people worked to see that there was food on the table, as well as a table to place food. Now, we see so many praying to God to put that food there. God, you know I believe in you so I know you'll give me everything I need. We leave out a very important part of that. God didn't make us all invalids. We have minds, we have hearts, we have ambition, we have intuition, & we KNOW that as Christians, it's wrong to go against God & then call on Him for our bail out. So why keep doing it? Why teach our children to do it? Why sugar coat it & lead people to believe that we aren't doing it?
I work hard because I want to appreciate & feel as though I've earned everything I've received. I work hard because my mother works hard, as does my sister. I work hard because I want to be a strong woman who lends a hand to her husband, not sits & waits for him to be the hand to continually pull ME up. I work hard because God put me on this earth to answer a calling & make a difference to people, not just to survive. I work hard because if I didn't, I think I'd drown in self-loathing.
We think if it's possible to get by on other people's deeds, then that is definitely what we should do. If someone else can provide everything until the day they die, why waste the time to do something for yourself? Why be held back by actually having to do something like work or by educating yourself when your parents, your spouse, or even your siblings can carry you on their back & keep your feet clean?
Before welfare & family members that made huge profits, people worked to see that there was food on the table, as well as a table to place food. Now, we see so many praying to God to put that food there. God, you know I believe in you so I know you'll give me everything I need. We leave out a very important part of that. God didn't make us all invalids. We have minds, we have hearts, we have ambition, we have intuition, & we KNOW that as Christians, it's wrong to go against God & then call on Him for our bail out. So why keep doing it? Why teach our children to do it? Why sugar coat it & lead people to believe that we aren't doing it?
I work hard because I want to appreciate & feel as though I've earned everything I've received. I work hard because my mother works hard, as does my sister. I work hard because I want to be a strong woman who lends a hand to her husband, not sits & waits for him to be the hand to continually pull ME up. I work hard because God put me on this earth to answer a calling & make a difference to people, not just to survive. I work hard because if I didn't, I think I'd drown in self-loathing.
Friday, April 17, 2009
my calling
A few days ago, I finally realized what I am called to do. An elderly woman walked into my work & asked where the tweezers were. Then she proceeded to "drag" me around the store as her personal shopper. She handed me her belongings & said "this will be all for me." I took all of her stuff up front & rang her up. As she left, a woman walked by & said "you were very patient with that woman. You were good with her."
Then, another elderly woman came to the register with a few 12 packs, big packs of toilet paper, & a ton of other items. I came to the other side of the register & helped her get everything in the buggy then took it to her car & loaded her belongings into her trunk. She told me how her husband had been sick for so long & she hadn't been able to leave the house for months & that I had been such a big help to her. She said she had to hug me to thank me & so she did.
Later, I went back to working in the pharmacy & had a woman with a very think accent (possibly European???) come up to get her prescriptions filled. I told her the prices & she began crying & saying she just didn't understand. I messed around with a few things and got her medicine to go through for 3 months at the same price it was for 2 weeks. Her tears became joyous tears & she thanked me.
Next day - I am working at another pharmacy & have another elderly woman come in to get some prescriptions. She only wanted to get half because she didn't have insurance & said she'd come back later for the rest. I checked on a few things & found that the cost of half was the same as the cost of the whole prescription & let her know. She went ahead & got it all at once so she wouldn't end up paying the same fee twice. The pharmacist turned to be & said "I like what you did. It shows that you don't mind taking the time to do nice things to help people. It shows your work ethic."
This was my final confirmation. I have never had clear direction on what career I was meant to hold. I have wanted to be a mother my entire life but I don't really see stay-at-home mom as a job. I wanted to be able to say I did more in life than raise children. I want to say I have a beautiful family but I do so much more than that. I want to make a difference, touch lives, & be a blessing - for I am beyond blessed.
No matter where we live or what is going on in my life, I want to help others every day, not for my own benefit, but as a way to show God's love to people who just need love in general. Whether it be an elderly person in need of someone to go with them to the grocery or a baby sitter to a not-so-well-off family, I want to do good. God has given me a heart that breaks for people in need & yearns to do something amazing. What more amazing thing is there to forget myself & devote my time to strangers?
I have a lot going on between school, work, staying in touch with my Nashville life, & being a newlywed, but I have a calling that I will answer. Thank you, Lord for giving me these confirmations & the desire to stop saying me & start saying they. I am very excited to see what the future holds & am praising God for it all. To God be the glory.
Then, another elderly woman came to the register with a few 12 packs, big packs of toilet paper, & a ton of other items. I came to the other side of the register & helped her get everything in the buggy then took it to her car & loaded her belongings into her trunk. She told me how her husband had been sick for so long & she hadn't been able to leave the house for months & that I had been such a big help to her. She said she had to hug me to thank me & so she did.
Later, I went back to working in the pharmacy & had a woman with a very think accent (possibly European???) come up to get her prescriptions filled. I told her the prices & she began crying & saying she just didn't understand. I messed around with a few things and got her medicine to go through for 3 months at the same price it was for 2 weeks. Her tears became joyous tears & she thanked me.
Next day - I am working at another pharmacy & have another elderly woman come in to get some prescriptions. She only wanted to get half because she didn't have insurance & said she'd come back later for the rest. I checked on a few things & found that the cost of half was the same as the cost of the whole prescription & let her know. She went ahead & got it all at once so she wouldn't end up paying the same fee twice. The pharmacist turned to be & said "I like what you did. It shows that you don't mind taking the time to do nice things to help people. It shows your work ethic."
This was my final confirmation. I have never had clear direction on what career I was meant to hold. I have wanted to be a mother my entire life but I don't really see stay-at-home mom as a job. I wanted to be able to say I did more in life than raise children. I want to say I have a beautiful family but I do so much more than that. I want to make a difference, touch lives, & be a blessing - for I am beyond blessed.
No matter where we live or what is going on in my life, I want to help others every day, not for my own benefit, but as a way to show God's love to people who just need love in general. Whether it be an elderly person in need of someone to go with them to the grocery or a baby sitter to a not-so-well-off family, I want to do good. God has given me a heart that breaks for people in need & yearns to do something amazing. What more amazing thing is there to forget myself & devote my time to strangers?
I have a lot going on between school, work, staying in touch with my Nashville life, & being a newlywed, but I have a calling that I will answer. Thank you, Lord for giving me these confirmations & the desire to stop saying me & start saying they. I am very excited to see what the future holds & am praising God for it all. To God be the glory.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
life as of april 2nd
First of all, let me praise God for what He did today. He let me have lunch with a beautiful little 2 year old girl who warmed my heart. Children are such a blessing, nothing more, nothing less.
Second, when I got to work I was asked if I'd like to have some additional hours working in the front store. Not just "some hours" like I'd been promised or kept getting which normally came in increments of 7 or 8, but I was offered as many as I wanted. A full 40 a week if I prefer at the CVS(which I love) where one of my best friends works. This was a huge blessing & stress reliever. When I came back from our honeymoon, they changed over my main store I worked at & left me with barely any hours. I lost our insurance the week we got back to Cleveland. This stinks (especially for newlyweds) because it leaves you thinking that any day now you're going to have an accident & be on your death bed, survive, & spend the rest of your life paying off medical bills.
Third, Joshua asked me if he could go to some ministry conference in NC in June. At first I was sad because we haven't been apart since we got married, but then Kristi said "why don't we just go on our own little trip?" This THRILLED me because this spring break I was married & all my friends were on trips with their girlfriends.Don't misunderstand, I Love being with Joshua more than anything, but all girls like to at least be invited to girl time. Being the only married one in my group of friends gets hard because most of the time, they just don't understand. So as of tonight, we have started planning our beach getaway.
On another note, a few weeks ago, Joshua asked "are we ever going to go on a vacation just the 2 of us again?" I said of course but then we started talking about children. Before any children make themselves known in this family, I will give my husband a vacation just the 2 of us. I hope to be able to plan one for us for by the end of this summer. My baby Loves & cares for me sooo much & I don't want to take that for granted.
We are both signing up for 6-9 hours of school this summer. Thankfully it is all online so we have more freedom to travel as long as our jobs permit. I am sooo excited to see his last year of school & my associate's degree drawing so near. I am praying for his job & it to be made known to us as soon as possible so we can begin to make other plans for our life. There's a lot to come over this next year but I am trying my best to take it all in & be glad, rather than stressed. College is ending. Career & family beginning. New friendships are flourishing. My family ties are strengthening. I am beyond blessed at the amazing people & opportunities my God has given me.
Second, when I got to work I was asked if I'd like to have some additional hours working in the front store. Not just "some hours" like I'd been promised or kept getting which normally came in increments of 7 or 8, but I was offered as many as I wanted. A full 40 a week if I prefer at the CVS(which I love) where one of my best friends works. This was a huge blessing & stress reliever. When I came back from our honeymoon, they changed over my main store I worked at & left me with barely any hours. I lost our insurance the week we got back to Cleveland. This stinks (especially for newlyweds) because it leaves you thinking that any day now you're going to have an accident & be on your death bed, survive, & spend the rest of your life paying off medical bills.
Third, Joshua asked me if he could go to some ministry conference in NC in June. At first I was sad because we haven't been apart since we got married, but then Kristi said "why don't we just go on our own little trip?" This THRILLED me because this spring break I was married & all my friends were on trips with their girlfriends.Don't misunderstand, I Love being with Joshua more than anything, but all girls like to at least be invited to girl time. Being the only married one in my group of friends gets hard because most of the time, they just don't understand. So as of tonight, we have started planning our beach getaway.
On another note, a few weeks ago, Joshua asked "are we ever going to go on a vacation just the 2 of us again?" I said of course but then we started talking about children. Before any children make themselves known in this family, I will give my husband a vacation just the 2 of us. I hope to be able to plan one for us for by the end of this summer. My baby Loves & cares for me sooo much & I don't want to take that for granted.
We are both signing up for 6-9 hours of school this summer. Thankfully it is all online so we have more freedom to travel as long as our jobs permit. I am sooo excited to see his last year of school & my associate's degree drawing so near. I am praying for his job & it to be made known to us as soon as possible so we can begin to make other plans for our life. There's a lot to come over this next year but I am trying my best to take it all in & be glad, rather than stressed. College is ending. Career & family beginning. New friendships are flourishing. My family ties are strengthening. I am beyond blessed at the amazing people & opportunities my God has given me.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
my baby declaration
I will NOT have children I cannot afford &/or manage.
I will NOT expect people to buy me everything every time I get pregnant.
I will NOT burden other people with my children.
I will NOT be one of those people that get looked at and people think "is she really that stupid?"
I will NOT depend on my husband to do & provide everything for my family.
I will NOT let my children be heathens no matter how cute they are.
I will NOT be embarrassed in public because I lack the ability to control my children.
I will NOT make my family worry 24/7 about whether my children can survive by just his/her parents alone.
I WILL be sure to be prepared for a child.
I WILL be ready to fend for myself when I have a baby.
I WILL & my husband WILL be adults when we take on having a baby.
I WILL go to my mother for advice on everything to give my children the best life.
I WILL be a good example & show my children that college & work are important in life.
I WILL have the cutest children ever to walk the face of this earth.
I WILL love our baby more than any human has ever loved or cared for a baby before.
This is my baby declaration. I am holding myself to it because I want to be the best & have the best for my children. Our children.
I want our children to have a wise, respectable mother & father, not foolish ones.
This is something that is VERY important to me & my future.
I will NOT expect people to buy me everything every time I get pregnant.
I will NOT burden other people with my children.
I will NOT be one of those people that get looked at and people think "is she really that stupid?"
I will NOT depend on my husband to do & provide everything for my family.
I will NOT let my children be heathens no matter how cute they are.
I will NOT be embarrassed in public because I lack the ability to control my children.
I will NOT make my family worry 24/7 about whether my children can survive by just his/her parents alone.
I WILL be sure to be prepared for a child.
I WILL be ready to fend for myself when I have a baby.
I WILL & my husband WILL be adults when we take on having a baby.
I WILL go to my mother for advice on everything to give my children the best life.
I WILL be a good example & show my children that college & work are important in life.
I WILL have the cutest children ever to walk the face of this earth.
I WILL love our baby more than any human has ever loved or cared for a baby before.
This is my baby declaration. I am holding myself to it because I want to be the best & have the best for my children. Our children.
I want our children to have a wise, respectable mother & father, not foolish ones.
This is something that is VERY important to me & my future.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
homework bleh
3 chapters left in accounting
2 make up tests
1 assignment in spreadsheets/databases
I have to work all day Thursday & Friday
Is it summer yet? Oh wait summer is 3 online classes & work every day. Sounds just like a regular semester! Bummer.
Tomorrow is my unbelievably incredible Mommy's birthday. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!
Then Friday after work - headed to NASHVILLE!
I love my parents sooo much & am stoked to see them! I also get to see my sister before she goes to London & my best friend, Bethie!
I cannot wait to go home!
2 make up tests
1 assignment in spreadsheets/databases
I have to work all day Thursday & Friday
Is it summer yet? Oh wait summer is 3 online classes & work every day. Sounds just like a regular semester! Bummer.
Tomorrow is my unbelievably incredible Mommy's birthday. HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!
Then Friday after work - headed to NASHVILLE!
I love my parents sooo much & am stoked to see them! I also get to see my sister before she goes to London & my best friend, Bethie!
I cannot wait to go home!
Monday, March 23, 2009
last night's dream
Last night, I dreamt about our daughter. No, we don't have any children, but I dreamt about her. When I woke up this morning, it was so real that I almost began crying because I thought I had lost her! All day, every day I think about us having a baby. It seems silly to most people & everyone says to wait, that we have our whole life, but I want our children to be a part of that life. I don't want to pop them out 1 right after the other - I just want 1 to have during this time of freedom/new experiences (we're financially stable to have a child it's just the loss of insurance due to my ridiculous job that has messed so much up right now). It's so mind-blowing that when you marry the person you Love, you get to come together with them & make another life that is half of you & half of him. I always wanted to be a mommy & with Joshua's career I get that opportunity sooner than I ever thought I would. It just still seems so distant. This is one of those lessons on patience that you regret ever asking for. Could I have a different one now please, Lord? lol.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
my latest rut :/
I'm stuck in a HUGE rut right now. I hate my job...everyone says I should be thankful for it, but the company does not care about it's employees & I'm too good to continue taking their garbage(loses paychecks & doesn't care to find them, leaves me with no hours & no insurance the day I return from my honeymoon, sends me really far away to work stink hours with rude people, etc). My school is a lot of work & gets very tiring. I stare at the screen working accounting problems for hours & feel like I'll never get it all done. And I miss MY FAMILY like crazy - no amount of friends or distant family can replace them.
I ADORE my Husband. I've never Loved someone so much & the moment he walks out the door I cry for him to skip work & come back to me. Waking up & leaving each other for hours on end is the hardest part of my day & when we're back together again all we want to do is sleep. My mother told us this is how it would be.Funny thing is, we don't have to work as many hours as we do, but we want to be financially safe & ready for as much as possible in our future because so many people we know live life UNPREPARED.
Tomorrow is another glorious 10 hour day at a store I hate followed by more homework. Tonight I leaned on my Husband & just breathed him in. I want more of those MOMENTS. I want more chances to tell him I Love him in person & to tell him how proud I am for all he's doing for our little family. & I want to be in Nashville. I want us to be close to my family & to keep the amazing relationship I already have with them. I miss home sooo bad & Joshua is my only comfort in this town.
I wrote here how I really felt then DELETED it because it shows my anger & frustration at its worst. All I can say is God, help me to deal with foolish people. If it's not love coming out of my mouth, grasp it shut with all Your might. Don't let me live by an eye for an eye, but by FORGIVENESS as You forgive me. Give me the strength to endure another awful day at work, another stressful week of school, & just a few more days without my family. Because through it all, I have my God, my health, a man who Loves me more than words can say, a family better than all the rest, & a puppy that softens my heart.
Nashville, I'll see you in 5 days.
I ADORE my Husband. I've never Loved someone so much & the moment he walks out the door I cry for him to skip work & come back to me. Waking up & leaving each other for hours on end is the hardest part of my day & when we're back together again all we want to do is sleep. My mother told us this is how it would be.Funny thing is, we don't have to work as many hours as we do, but we want to be financially safe & ready for as much as possible in our future because so many people we know live life UNPREPARED.
Tomorrow is another glorious 10 hour day at a store I hate followed by more homework. Tonight I leaned on my Husband & just breathed him in. I want more of those MOMENTS. I want more chances to tell him I Love him in person & to tell him how proud I am for all he's doing for our little family. & I want to be in Nashville. I want us to be close to my family & to keep the amazing relationship I already have with them. I miss home sooo bad & Joshua is my only comfort in this town.
I wrote here how I really felt then DELETED it because it shows my anger & frustration at its worst. All I can say is God, help me to deal with foolish people. If it's not love coming out of my mouth, grasp it shut with all Your might. Don't let me live by an eye for an eye, but by FORGIVENESS as You forgive me. Give me the strength to endure another awful day at work, another stressful week of school, & just a few more days without my family. Because through it all, I have my God, my health, a man who Loves me more than words can say, a family better than all the rest, & a puppy that softens my heart.
Nashville, I'll see you in 5 days.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
"no pain no gain" - bad words to live by
I forgot to mention one little thing about me. I am 19. I fell in Love with a boy I had only seen pictures of & texted 24/7 for 2 months when I was 17. If that's not Love I don't know what is. Everything is about looks & lust & how you feel around each other now days. But we couldn't see each other. We didn't even actually talk on the phone until 10 days before meeting face-to-face. We didn't have the normal drama of breaking up & getting back together. We had the hurt of the past & that was more than enough to almost send our relationship down the tubes. Had it been just anybody I would've died of heart break before I'd continued a relationship with him, but this man completed me & I wasn't going to let anything come between us. We knew less than a month into it that we were spending the rest of our lives together but if we got married that soon we'd have criticism from the world.
After 4 months dating & 1 year engaged we got married. People are still questioning why we did. We had to hear "you don't know that they're your soulmate - you haven't really BEEN out in the world yet." What is the newest comment we get to hear? "You haven't been married long enough to really know hard times. Maybe after so many years & after some major heartache you'll know what marriage is." Explain to me this...there was a time limit on how long we had to be together to be able to know we loved each other. There was a time limit on how long we'd been dating before we could possibly know we wanted to get married. NOW, there's a time limit on how long we've been married before we really know how hard marriage is. You people are ridiculous. Stop trying to make your hard stories mean you're more in love or you've had more to bring you closer. I don't have to scream at my Husband, curse at my Husband, hit my Husband, cheat on my Husband, or leave my Husband & come back a week later to know that my heart & his heart are linked.
Thank you, but no thank you. I'm 19. I'm more mature than it often appears. I know we have struggles ahead but we've also had our own type of struggles here & now. No one else lives in this house but us. How could they possibly know what we go through day in & day out to determine if we've entered into the "real" married state or not yet. You don't better yourself or help anyone else when you say this kind of garbage to newlyweds. At one point in history, people were supportive of others finding the Love of their life & vowing to spend forever with them. Now it is a curse & you can't tell even after 35 years of marriage if even that marriage will last. Our marriage will last because we've become one. I'm not chopping my legs off just because I get a Charley horse. He's permanent - through the good, the bad, the ugly, the unbelievable, the amazing, the blessings. Everything.
I hope that when our children come along & find the person they love, that the times have changed & they won't have to hear all the negativity my Husband & I have endured. It doesn't get you to thinking, it sours your heart. Why would you go out of your way to do that to people in love? You hear people saying TRUE LOVE. This is something so very hard to explain but when my Husband & I start in the ministry, I've felt myself called to tell them what true love is, & what it isn't. Young people need to be taught this, not scolded when they think they've found it. I pray for a world with more understanding & softened hearts to the word Love. Not more criticism & skepticism. I think we have applied the saying "no pain no gain" to everything in life now. I never had my heart broken or told someone I loved them until I found my Husband because I knew the importance of it. I was later told that I couldn't be sure Joshua was the one because I'd never really been hurt by a man. I hope that I can be the voice of reason to our youth in saying "you don't have to hurt, you just have to hope." If you believe God will bring you to the right person, hold onto your heart until you know they're it. It is beyond amazing when you do. Coming into my relationship without that pain was one less HUGE struggle & I thank God for keeping me(& my heart) protected.
After 4 months dating & 1 year engaged we got married. People are still questioning why we did. We had to hear "you don't know that they're your soulmate - you haven't really BEEN out in the world yet." What is the newest comment we get to hear? "You haven't been married long enough to really know hard times. Maybe after so many years & after some major heartache you'll know what marriage is." Explain to me this...there was a time limit on how long we had to be together to be able to know we loved each other. There was a time limit on how long we'd been dating before we could possibly know we wanted to get married. NOW, there's a time limit on how long we've been married before we really know how hard marriage is. You people are ridiculous. Stop trying to make your hard stories mean you're more in love or you've had more to bring you closer. I don't have to scream at my Husband, curse at my Husband, hit my Husband, cheat on my Husband, or leave my Husband & come back a week later to know that my heart & his heart are linked.
Thank you, but no thank you. I'm 19. I'm more mature than it often appears. I know we have struggles ahead but we've also had our own type of struggles here & now. No one else lives in this house but us. How could they possibly know what we go through day in & day out to determine if we've entered into the "real" married state or not yet. You don't better yourself or help anyone else when you say this kind of garbage to newlyweds. At one point in history, people were supportive of others finding the Love of their life & vowing to spend forever with them. Now it is a curse & you can't tell even after 35 years of marriage if even that marriage will last. Our marriage will last because we've become one. I'm not chopping my legs off just because I get a Charley horse. He's permanent - through the good, the bad, the ugly, the unbelievable, the amazing, the blessings. Everything.
I hope that when our children come along & find the person they love, that the times have changed & they won't have to hear all the negativity my Husband & I have endured. It doesn't get you to thinking, it sours your heart. Why would you go out of your way to do that to people in love? You hear people saying TRUE LOVE. This is something so very hard to explain but when my Husband & I start in the ministry, I've felt myself called to tell them what true love is, & what it isn't. Young people need to be taught this, not scolded when they think they've found it. I pray for a world with more understanding & softened hearts to the word Love. Not more criticism & skepticism. I think we have applied the saying "no pain no gain" to everything in life now. I never had my heart broken or told someone I loved them until I found my Husband because I knew the importance of it. I was later told that I couldn't be sure Joshua was the one because I'd never really been hurt by a man. I hope that I can be the voice of reason to our youth in saying "you don't have to hurt, you just have to hope." If you believe God will bring you to the right person, hold onto your heart until you know they're it. It is beyond amazing when you do. Coming into my relationship without that pain was one less HUGE struggle & I thank God for keeping me(& my heart) protected.
Friday, March 20, 2009
where do we go from college?
My husband & I are both in school. He is finishing his Bachelor's degree at Lee University in youth ministry & I am finishing my 2 year degree at Cleveland State in accounting within the following year. But what happens next?
As a supportive wife of a man called to ministry, I know it is my responsibilty to follow him whereever he is called. However, being a girl who lived her whole life until college in Nashville, it is very hard for me to picture us up & moving far away as soon as he graduates. I have talked to him about & prayed that God will keep us somewhere near my home just in the beginning of our journey in the ministy. Here are my 2 biggest reasons:
1. My parents. They aren't the normal couple who are content to be alone together. Their lives revolve around their children not each other. They've had a rough relationship.
2. My dream job has always been being a mommy. All I wanted was a house-full of children. A baby has been on my heart a lot lately & I would love to be able to have one once Joshua has started his career. However, the thought of having my first child & my mother not being in driving distance scares me. If our child were to cry constantly through the night from an earache, how would I know? If our child fell & busted their chin like I did as a little girl, what would I do? Also, I want my parents to be active in their grandchildren's lives from the very beginning (& my parents aren't much for traveling).
So why am I still working on my degree if I just want to be a mother? Normally, it is very difficult to raise a family on 1 income. I want to be able to set money back before we have children & to be able to go back to work if necessary once our children are older to continue saving for their college. I am a very smart person as well, & do not want to let my mind go to waste. I enjoy gaining knowledge in the matters of math, business, finances, & accounting. It is helpful when becoming an adult & buying a house or budgeting a household.
So while every morning I wake up & say to myself "why am I wasting my time in school?" I think about my love for having a big family that faces as few financial struggles as possible. My mother worked her butt off to always give us more than we needed. We were never in debt & we never struggled, even through my father's 4 heart attacks. I want to be able to give our children the same peace of mind & example to follow. Planning out what job I will have or when I will be able to finish my bachelor's degree(hopefully online) is not possible in the ministry. But knowing what my husband & I want for our lives & knowing what lengths we'll go to to achieve them is definitely a good plan.
Marrying a youth minister has taken me for a ride. This lifestyle has already begun to teach me that no answers will be of any value if they aren't coming from the Lord. While I have done my best to plan out every move in my life, I can no longer do that.I have to have faith. Real faith that says "I have no idea what tomorrow brings or where tomorrow puts us, but I trust in my God, & my God will not let me down."
As a supportive wife of a man called to ministry, I know it is my responsibilty to follow him whereever he is called. However, being a girl who lived her whole life until college in Nashville, it is very hard for me to picture us up & moving far away as soon as he graduates. I have talked to him about & prayed that God will keep us somewhere near my home just in the beginning of our journey in the ministy. Here are my 2 biggest reasons:
1. My parents. They aren't the normal couple who are content to be alone together. Their lives revolve around their children not each other. They've had a rough relationship.
2. My dream job has always been being a mommy. All I wanted was a house-full of children. A baby has been on my heart a lot lately & I would love to be able to have one once Joshua has started his career. However, the thought of having my first child & my mother not being in driving distance scares me. If our child were to cry constantly through the night from an earache, how would I know? If our child fell & busted their chin like I did as a little girl, what would I do? Also, I want my parents to be active in their grandchildren's lives from the very beginning (& my parents aren't much for traveling).
So why am I still working on my degree if I just want to be a mother? Normally, it is very difficult to raise a family on 1 income. I want to be able to set money back before we have children & to be able to go back to work if necessary once our children are older to continue saving for their college. I am a very smart person as well, & do not want to let my mind go to waste. I enjoy gaining knowledge in the matters of math, business, finances, & accounting. It is helpful when becoming an adult & buying a house or budgeting a household.
So while every morning I wake up & say to myself "why am I wasting my time in school?" I think about my love for having a big family that faces as few financial struggles as possible. My mother worked her butt off to always give us more than we needed. We were never in debt & we never struggled, even through my father's 4 heart attacks. I want to be able to give our children the same peace of mind & example to follow. Planning out what job I will have or when I will be able to finish my bachelor's degree(hopefully online) is not possible in the ministry. But knowing what my husband & I want for our lives & knowing what lengths we'll go to to achieve them is definitely a good plan.
Marrying a youth minister has taken me for a ride. This lifestyle has already begun to teach me that no answers will be of any value if they aren't coming from the Lord. While I have done my best to plan out every move in my life, I can no longer do that.I have to have faith. Real faith that says "I have no idea what tomorrow brings or where tomorrow puts us, but I trust in my God, & my God will not let me down."
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