"no pain no gain" - bad words to live by

I forgot to mention one little thing about me. I am 19. I fell in Love with a boy I had only seen pictures of & texted 24/7 for 2 months when I was 17. If that's not Love I don't know what is. Everything is about looks & lust & how you feel around each other now days. But we couldn't see each other. We didn't even actually talk on the phone until 10 days before meeting face-to-face. We didn't have the normal drama of breaking up & getting back together. We had the hurt of the past & that was more than enough to almost send our relationship down the tubes. Had it been just anybody I would've died of heart break before I'd continued a relationship with him, but this man completed me & I wasn't going to let anything come between us. We knew less than a month into it that we were spending the rest of our lives together but if we got married that soon we'd have criticism from the world.

After 4 months dating & 1 year engaged we got married. People are still questioning why we did. We had to hear "you don't know that they're your soulmate - you haven't really BEEN out in the world yet." What is the newest comment we get to hear? "You haven't been married long enough to really know hard times. Maybe after so many years & after some major heartache you'll know what marriage is." Explain to me this...there was a time limit on how long we had to be together to be able to know we loved each other. There was a time limit on how long we'd been dating before we could possibly know we wanted to get married. NOW, there's a time limit on how long we've been married before we really know how hard marriage is. You people are ridiculous. Stop trying to make your hard stories mean you're more in love or you've had more to bring you closer. I don't have to scream at my Husband, curse at my Husband, hit my Husband, cheat on my Husband, or leave my Husband & come back a week later to know that my heart & his heart are linked.

Thank you, but no thank you. I'm 19. I'm more mature than it often appears. I know we have struggles ahead but we've also had our own type of struggles here & now. No one else lives in this house but us. How could they possibly know what we go through day in & day out to determine if we've entered into the "real" married state or not yet. You don't better yourself or help anyone else when you say this kind of garbage to newlyweds. At one point in history, people were supportive of others finding the Love of their life & vowing to spend forever with them. Now it is a curse & you can't tell even after 35 years of marriage if even that marriage will last. Our marriage will last because we've become one. I'm not chopping my legs off just because I get a Charley horse. He's permanent - through the good, the bad, the ugly, the unbelievable, the amazing, the blessings. Everything.

I hope that when our children come along & find the person they love, that the times have changed & they won't have to hear all the negativity my Husband & I have endured. It doesn't get you to thinking, it sours your heart. Why would you go out of your way to do that to people in love? You hear people saying TRUE LOVE. This is something so very hard to explain but when my Husband & I start in the ministry, I've felt myself called to tell them what true love is, & what it isn't. Young people need to be taught this, not scolded when they think they've found it. I pray for a world with more understanding & softened hearts to the word Love. Not more criticism & skepticism. I think we have applied the saying "no pain no gain" to everything in life now. I never had my heart broken or told someone I loved them until I found my Husband because I knew the importance of it. I was later told that I couldn't be sure Joshua was the one because I'd never really been hurt by a man. I hope that I can be the voice of reason to our youth in saying "you don't have to hurt, you just have to hope." If you believe God will bring you to the right person, hold onto your heart until you know they're it. It is beyond amazing when you do. Coming into my relationship without that pain was one less HUGE struggle & I thank God for keeping me(& my heart) protected.